Labor Day: Working Hard to Make You Laugh

In honor of Labor Day, here's a first person report of someone who was not quite as successful as he had hoped to be in the job market:

As a young woman...

• My first job was in an orange juice factory, but I couldn't concentrate on the same old boring rind, so I got canned.
• Then I worked in the woods as a lumberjack, but I just couldn't hack it, so they gave me the axe.
• After that, I tried working in a donut shop, but I soon got tired of the hole business.
• I manufactured calendars, but my days were numbered.
• I tried to be a tailor, but I just wasn't suited for it. Mainly because it was a sew-sew job, de-pleating and de-pressing.
• I took a job as an upholsterer, but I never recovered.

In my prime...

• Next I tried working in a car muffler factory, but that was exhausting.
• I wanted to be a barber, but I just couldn't cut it.
• Then I was a pilot, but tended to wing it, and I didn't have the right altitude.
• I studied to become a doctor, but I didn't have enough patients for the job.
• I became a Velcro salesman, but I couldn't stick with it.
• I tried my hand at a professional career in tennis, but it wasn't my racket. I was too high strung.
• I became a baker, but it wasn't a cakewalk, and I couldn't make enough dough. 
• I was a masseur for a while, but I rubbed people the wrong way.
• I managed to get a good job working for a pool maintenance company, but the work was just too draining.

Later in life...

• Then I became a personal trainer in a gym, but they said I wasn't fit for the job.
• I thought about being a historian, but I couldn't see a future in it.
• Next I was an electrician, but I found the work shocking and revolting, so they discharged me.
• I tried being a teacher, but I soon lost my principal, my faculties, and my class.
• I turned to farming, but I wasn't outstanding in my field.
• I took a job as an elevator operator. The job had its ups and downs, and I got the shaft.
• I sold origami, but the business folded.

Finally...

• I took a job at UPS, but I couldn't express myself.
• I tried being a fireman, but I suffered burnout.
• I became a banker, but I lacked interest and maturity, and finally withdrew from the job.
• I was a professional fisherman, but I couldn't live on my net income.
• I next worked in a shoe factory, but I just didn't fit in. They thought I was a loafer, and I got the boot.
• I worked at Starbucks, but I had to quit because it was always the same old grind.

So I've retired, and I find I'm a perfect fit for this job!

- Cassandra G.